A long time ago, in a blog post far, far away, we moved our back door. And when the door went, our house numbers went with it.
Recently, Chris decided it was time to put the house numbers back up. Now watch as I create an ENTIRE POST out of something as simple as installing house numbers.
It went something like this:
Chris: I’m going to the store to get some house numbers.
Me: Make sure you get pretty ones.
Chris: What does a pretty house number look like?
Me: It’s kinda hard to describe. I’ll know it when I see it. Do you want me to come with?
Chris: I don’t know…
Me: Can I come with? I’m coming with.
Chris: (reluctantly) Okaaaaay. (pauses) Where do you think we should put them? They have to be visible from the alley.
Me: I assume we’d put them where the back door used to be…
Me: Or. We could get a neon sign and hang it in the bathroom window upstairs. You could definitely see that from the alley.
Chris: Yeah…you could…
Me: A flashing neon sign that says “3044 Special.”
Me: Yeah, like…okay. I gotta tell you something. For the past couple of years, in my head, I’ve been referring to our house as “the 3044 Special.” Like a nickname.
Chris: (skeptically) Oh. kaaaay…
Me: Yeah, so like, a couple of years ago, [our friend] Morgan was trying out one of your homebrews, and he asked “Is this the 3044 Special?” Meaning, one of the beers you made with the hops that we actually grew here. And the name stuck with me. And now, in my head, I’ve been calling our house “The 3044 Special.” Just in my head. For like, a while now.
Chris: (as if he’s reserving judgement) I see.
Me: And I thought it was kinda funny, too, because you know…our questionable neighborhood and everything, with all the shady characters…and a .44 Special is a gun, you know?*
*No, it’s not.
Chris: (slowly, as if he’s talking to a small child and doesn’t want to hurt their feelings) Uh huh….
Me: Right? Isn’t it?
Chris: We’re not getting a neon sign. I’ll send you pictures of the house numbers from the store.
Anybody else remember this?
See that look that Nick is giving Jessica? I’ve seen that look now.
But. For the record, Chris came home from the store with these house numbers:
He did not text me pictures first. And they were EXACTLY the house numbers I suspected he would bring home without my input to guide him.
I should have gone with him instead of writing this post.
As I’m sure you predicted, I went back to the store and exchanged them for something a little less…craptastic. I would have liked to spring the for the fancy-pantsy house numbers that were $6.99 each, but I couldn’t quite justify it, especially since I knew perfectly well that Chris chose the ones he chose because they were the cheapest ones available, and not for any aesthetic purposes. Clearly. So I settled for the mid-range models.
And I brought them home, and then, as if to spite me, he installed them like this:
Remember that part about “they have to be visible from the alley”? I took that picture from the alley. It’s like a “Where’s Waldo” for house numbers. Even if you get closer, they don’t exactly pop out and punch you in the face, the way a neon sign in the bathroom window would.
But Chris said no to my neon sign idea. Surely, though, we could do better than this. So in a brilliant move, I took down the house numbers, slapped together some wood scraps with glue and Thompson’s WaterSeal, added a couple of hooks, and did this instead:
Proving that, despite what Jessica Simpson would have us believe, it IS in fact possible to have both beauty and brains.
I particularly like the way it makes everything around it, especially our still-unpainted stucco patches, look just a little bit shabbier.