So two Saturdays ago, I’m sitting around in my pajamas, avoiding working on the trim work by reading other people’s blogs. And it came to my attention that Creating with the Stars (CWTS) would soon be opening up “auditions” for this year’s contestants.
For those of you who don’t know what CWTS is, you can read more about it here, on East Coast Creative. I’ll wait here while you go check it out. Here’s the part that’s relevant to today’s post: 12 bloggers compete in a 4-week competition, in which they have to crank out one project per week in four different categories. They have to be super creative. They have to be fast, both in planning and execution. And it wouldn’t hurt to be crafty.
Now. For those of you who don’t know me, allow me to share a couple of anecdotes.
Given my track record, banking on being struck by FOUR lightning bolts of creativity in four consecutive weeks seems like kinda poor planning.
2) As regards my speed in execution: We are on Day 476 of a kitchen remodel. That should speak for itself. But if you need further proof, I’ll direct your attention to Exhibit A, in which I learn to install a transition strip in only 40 simple steps — one of which was “Use jacks to level the house. Again.”
3) As regards my speed in planning and decision making: I’d like to refer to Exhibit B: the time it took me about two weeks to decide what color to paint doors.
4) And — just a general strike against the idea of me winning a DIY-decor contest — I once decorated a room like this:
…and then had the good sense to share it with the whole wide interwebs. You like it, right?
5) You know that ability that some people have, to scale down ideas into something that a reasonable person could do in a reasonable amount of time? Like, a week, for instance? This is a skill I clearly lack. I originally planned on the kitchen remodel taking three months, which is why I budgeted six. Ahem. Please refer back to my earlier statement about Day 476. In other words: Approximately SIXTEEN months. And counting.
So. There I was reading about Creating with the Stars, and thinking, “No way. Terrible idea. Maybe next year…no, never.” And after another hour or so looking at past CWTS projects, I peeled myself off the couch to go sand some trim.
But. Apparently, the more menial the task, the greater my delusions of grandeur. Because the more I sanded, the more I began to think the same thing that William Hung thought when he first watched American Idol: I bet I could do that.
And then I started thinking:
- About the projects I would do, if I were selected.
- And how much they would cost.
- And that Chris would never agree to spend that money.
- And that I would fail in the first round, because I wouldn’t know what to knock off, because I habitually avoid going into places where they sell things that are expensive enough to need knock-offs, because I’m afraid that if I see a $5,000 couch, I will buy a $5,000 couch, and then Chris will leave me, and I’ll have to sleep on my $5,000 couch out on the curb, and within a year it will be out of style anyway, and then I’ll have nothing.
- I never thought I’d regret spending so little time in high-end home decor stores.
- My list of Big Ideas is has approximately 4,138 items on it…there must be something I could do as a project for CWTS.
- I wonder if Chris would let me paint a room for no good reason.
- No. He will not.
- He will not want me to spend money on this.
- He may not want me to spend my time on this. Because, you know…Day 476. And counting.
- Just shut up and keep sanding. Only 215 linear feet to go…
And so the menial task continued.
And so my delusions of grandeur grew.
And yesterday, when CWTS started taking submissions, I entered the contest.
Now. I have spent the last 10 days or so thinking about what projects I would do. No, thinking is not the right word. I have spent the last 10 days or so literally obsessing — in the actual literal sense of the words “literal” and not the new figurative meaning — that is to say, thinking about projects for Creating With The Stars has “preoccupied or filled my mind continually, intrusively, and to a troubling extent.”
Emphasis on “intrusive” and “troubling.” Like John McClane, this idea got in my head and just refused to die.
I have lost sleep.
I have not figured out what projects I’d do.
And yet, at the first opportunity, I applied to be a contestant.
If I get in, I’ll have only two options: A) Succeed and win the whole thing, B) Fail. Fail SPECTACULARLY,
or C) Take down a helicopter with a car.
If you would like to see either of those two things happen, here’s what you can do: hop over to East Coast Creative and take a gander at the projects being submitted. See if you recognize mine (hint: it’s number 70-something). Along the way, click on the ones that look interesting to you; the 12 contestants will be chosen partly based on the number of clicks their submissions receive (don’t be a goon and find mine and click on it a million times, it won’t do anybody any favors).
Remember, either way, if I get in, you’ll get to read the riveting story behind my eventual and unavoidable nervous breakdown. So, you know…win-win, right?