Ahhhhh, summer in Minnesota. Is there anything better than hanging out on the front porch and knocking back a homebrew or two with your friends?
Come on over and join me! We’ll bask in the smell of musty, 30-year-old outdoor carpet…
…enjoy the view over the claustrophobic fence…
…and try to avoid getting splinters in our asses from the dilapidated furniture and peeling porch components.
Wait, where are you going? Why are you running away?? I SAID WE HAVE BEER!!!
Well, I guess I don’t blame you. You probably have your own porch, where you don’t have to worry about contracting tetanus. Or the plague. Aren’t you fancy? All I can offer is the assurance (probably) that most of those paint chips ground into the carpet are probably not lead-based.