You’ve all been wondering it: now that the kitchen’s done, what am I going to do next?
I wanted to take a moment today to let you know: you people sure know how to put the pressure on. I mean, it’s only been, like, 7 weeks since I birthed a kitchen. After 18 months of labor. What on earth makes you think I’m going to do anything next?
Maybe I just want to relax for a bit.
Maybe the scars need a chance to heal.
Maybe — and perhaps most importantly — I need more time to figure out a project that’s even more mind-blowing than this
or even this
Because now that I have you, I don’t want to disappoint you. I’ve come to realize that I cannot live without your adoration. And now, I am willing to do just about anything to keep you coming back for more.
Including cutting a hole in the roof and adding a dormer to accommodate a bathroom where none currently exists:
You know why this project has the potential to out-do the kitchen remodel? It will involve plumbing, electrical, and HVAC, just like the kitchen. It will involve cutting holes in the exterior of our house, just like the kitchen (in the roof this time — that’s new!). But unlike the kitchen, we’d be creating a room out of NOTHING instead of rebuilding an existing room.
I mean, right now, we live in a 6-bedroom, 1 1/2 bathroom house. Say what? I guess 110 years ago, people did not think they needed a bathroom for every bedroom in the house. And while I tend to agree (to put it more accurately: I would give my left ovary to never have to clean a bathroom again, so fewer bathrooms is always better), I also think that “6-bedroom 2 1/2-bath” sounds better in a real estate listing. And this was never supposed to be our “forever” home, so I’d like to add as much value as we can while we’re here.
But. You know what else would be nice? That we could actually enjoy while we’re still living here? A garage.
I don’t think I have to explain why we want a garage. If the picture of our pathetic, very public back yard doesn’t convince you, then I will just say this: we live in Minnesota. Last winter, we had 57 inches of snow. Fifty. Seven. The average temperature was a balmy 9.7 degrees (yeah, that’s Fahrenheit), including 53 days where the temperature didn’t even get above zero degrees. That’s almost two months.
Ways in which building a garage would out-gun remodeling a kitchen: It’s bigger than the kitchen. Literally, like, square-footage-wise. And we’d be building the whole thing from the ground up. Actually, we’d start below the ground; we’d have to do a bit of excavating so we could pour a concrete slab — how much would you love a video of me trying to DIY that? Because “excavating” = me in a Bobcat.
I would have SO. MUCH. FUN. if I got to drive a Bobcat. All other reasons aside, this project ranks pretty high on my priority list for that alone.
But. I didn’t get the chance to argue for either of these projects. Because one night, before bed, Chris and I were brushing our teeth, doing all those semi-awkward things that married couples do when they’re sharing a single sink and a single mirror (like trying to smile and pretend that the gob of toothpaste on the other person’s chin is cute, or trying to remember not to spit out your toothpaste right when they’re moving in to rinse off their brush), when Chris suddenly said, through a mouthful of minty fresh foam, “What if we put a frame around the mirror?”
Now. Two things. 1) If Chris takes the initiative on a DIY project, I would be an idiot not to take advantage, right? And 2) This bathroom clearly needs a lot more than a frame around the mirror.
Unless, by “frame around the mirror,” he meant this:
Which I can only assume is exactly what he meant. So I spit out my toothpaste and stared him down, daring him to admit that he was messing with my head. And then he said, “Maybe a new light fixture?”
Now. It’s no secret that Chris and I do not share the same taste in light fixtures. So I was getting a little worried that maybe we were not on the same page. And then he said, “And a new shower curtain?”
Ummm, no. Not the same page AT ALL. After all, we won’t even need a shower curtain.
And of course, we’d need a soaker tub
and a walk-in shower with at least two shower heads
which means we’d have to annex some closet space from the office next door.
Believe it or not, the conversation actually got that far. And then, right when I was really getting into it, Chris said, “You know, we’d have to cut holes in the ceiling below, to hook up a new bathtub and shower.”
The ceiling below? You mean, this ceiling below?
The one in the half-bath, which is part of the kitchen remodel that we JUST FINISHED??
I thought about it for oh, approximately 0.27 seconds, then said, “Okay…
…how about the front porch instead?”